From September 2011 to 2015

Its been three long years together...

January 19th..2 years ago..thats when I started to write this a post here...

Just looking back at the times we spend together..

I don't really know what do you really mean we have nothing..

You went back with nothing..but RM50...i really don't understand...

We have something so special created together...

No one has it other than us..yes..as i am typing here I am crying as well..

I could not believe everything that we created together from nothing...

Is me that has nothing left...nothing...

Back in Kampar..everywhere I go..

I imagine that you are with me...

No matter how much I hate your attitude at times..

I just could not stop my heart from thinking of you and missing you..

I really wonder what has really turned in to..

I really can't get out from my sadness and suffering here..

You may be away..even your feelings faded completely..

I can't..I am just a human..

A simple dinner..thinking of where to eat..

I think of you all the time..I really can't stop...

Lunch,,eat Indian people..not Indian food..

Dinner? OMG..i really can't think of anything but to eat with you..

On the last day you said I did not make any efforts to be back in Kampar..

Do you really know what had happened to me then and even now?

Doctor told me not to take in so much stress..

When I was in Penang, my brain was overstressed that I fainted..blackout..

After that, I sleep up to 14 hours..besides eat and toilet..I sleep..

HOW COULD YOU JUST SAY THAT I DON'T CARE??

HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH AND NOT TO THINK OF ME???

Fine...I wouldn't want to mentioned and count with you on that...

What I want to tell you, is you can never feel how much pain I take in on the day you leave me..

You have no idea at all on how much pain I suffered..just no idea...

What you suffered was perhaps just a scratch compared to mine...

As some says, you would do just anything for love...

I did..I did..I really really did...do I regret? No..

I simply did not and will not regret what I did or did not do..

Do you know why? Cause I had already gave you all my love that I could give...

I am sincerely telling you this over here...when I simply look back...

Yes, I did...perhaps you always said that I am lazy...I admit..I was..We were?

I just do not understand why would relationships should judge and screw each other...

Shouldn't the couple come together and hold each others hands and say:

"Lets do this together, side by side..hand in hand..heart in heart.."

Shouldn't they? Why should it be always quarreling and yelling?

Why our love had became like that? Has you lost all of your patience?

The moment you called me, mother's boy..

I knew, you were just jealous cause at that moment your mum wasn't with you...

but now look back at yourself, when your mum is with you...

you listen to everything she says right? Won't even speak back..right?

Don't you think you are being unfair? Before you think of arguing, think properly first...

Whenever I make a point, I do make it clear and fact...I do not use emotions...

I really don't know...

Love based on money...no money no love...

Dont you think its the same with..no money no honey?

Sigh...I understand your view...your thinking..

But one question I want to ask...

If there are no struggles and obstacles in a couple...

How can they stand the test of time?

When asked, what experiences with your partner? How was life?

I would be happy if there are times when we were bad...

We tried and tried and tried till we made it...

Won't we feel proud? Compared to those who got nothing to tell...

Its alright...you have your views and I respect them clearly...

Lastly, you told me theres nothing I feel? I don't feel pain?

You really got no idea of how i am feeling...

TOTALLY NO IDEA..cause you stopped loving me and understanding me...

This is a bitter truth that I knew before you even leave Kampar...

Most of your love had already faded away...

Perhaps one day when you come back to the point when you remembered why we got together and why we love each other, you find back our love...

Right now, you got nothing of that...not even a little bit...

Sigh.....lets just hope that one day we will be meeting back at square one when the time we started our relationship and loving each other again...

I do not believe in fate...cause i believe we create our own fate...

Not that the fate control or creates us..its all about chances and choices...

Making the best choices in life that is...

I am very sure you have plenty and much to learn from that...

A shattered heart...hoping for one day of redemption away from pain...

To be loved again...

Reminiscence of memories

This is me posting after 849 days together.
Today is your first day after your eye surgery.
Everything here seems really really sweet and memorable to me.
I really missed our days without money problems.
Since money became a problem,
we fought hard to settle it.
Eventually, it has led to today.
I really really miss my baobei laopo..
MISSING HER VERY VERY BADLY!
Going back to the place where everything started really pinched my heart very painfully.
I really hope to change back time..
Erase all our sad and bad memories..
But i know that is all impossible.
I accept what fate has brought up to us and i have to admit my mistakes.
We are now drifted apart in relationship and distance once again.
You always say and pushed everything to me.
Success or not, is depending on me and how I work.
What about you there? Will you be the same as before?
Loving and caring with all your heart? With all your LOVE?
Will everything be even better perhaps in future?
I really don't know so much. All i know, is all will not be the same.
I am really suffering in pain, No one knows my pain.
You also had neglected my feelings inside.
You seemed not to care about my feelings.
Sigh. Back to kampar. I really feel helpless.
Looking back at everything that we created!
I really want back my baobei~!!!!!
You really have no idea how much my heart hurts and bleeds.
Anyhow, i know you have no regrets.
All i can say is just to wish you all the best.
I will be at the finishing line one day.
But on that day, i am really not sure..
Will you be there cheering me on or even has left the spot we agreed to meet.
Right now, its easy for you to say move on.
Why don't you try to feel what I am feeling?
I really would want you to try and feel how I am feeling.

Nevertheless..what is done is done..
Take good care and just hope to see you at the finishing line one day..
If you are not there, I won't blame you,
Like you always think, say and feel.
Its my fault. Yup. True to say. Its all my fault.

See you again in 2 years time, baobei..
For now, I need to recover and find myself once again..
No one will be able to heal me, you better hope no one can..
I told you before, I only want to be with you and depend all my love on you.
KEEP IT THERE, when its not, you will eventually lose my heart.

I finally know what is the reason that I loved you before and still loving you.
I pray that you will still keep the reason till that day we meet again.
I am setting this course for us, like it or not.
We have to go through it for our LOVE.
We shall meet again 2 years later in September in KL.
If we already do not fit each other, I guess to you,
You will be away, I won't have much to say.
We will see..September 2017..

冥想

不知不觉

渐行渐远了几个星期

家  还爱我吗   会想我吗

自以为从一个深渊里爬了出来

谁知又跌进另一个泥泞

不被祝福的爱情

看不到结局

却假装相信爱情

————————————————————

到底自己做错了什么

为什么这么讨厌我

注定这辈子

得不到家人的爱

难过

前途颠簸不平

害怕

你说会牵着我的手

一起突破

能吗

语塞

Kampar 12/6/13

*Our lovely Corner of the Room*

我爱把房间弄得古里古怪

好像长不大的孩子

还好他也是一样 =P

*燕窝豆腐花*

今天是端午节

宝贝知道我会想家

然后一直帮我找粽子

找了整个Oldtown

一个粽子的影子都找不到 >.<''

连我都放弃了

可是宝贝说

“没到最后不可以放弃， 最后买不到， 带你上怡保找”

听了这句话..

好感动

然后我们去吃豆腐花 *.*

终于！！

宝贝的努力有了结果~

在己子当归鸡饭店

一位好心的阿姨送了一粒给他~

感动 x2

打开粽子吃~

幸福的感觉~

满满的~

打开粽子

好香好香！！

虽然会想念家里的粽子

可是已经很满足了^3^

谢谢你这么爱我的宝贝！

••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••••♥••

Back to Kampar (1)

金宝Kampar的天空

2013年6月8日

经过7个小时的车程，又回到了鸟不生蛋的金宝。

心情百般复杂...

既熟悉又陌生的环境..

好像好多都变了..

只有牛屎还特别多。

2013年6月9日

9个月纪念日..

没有想过会怎么庆祝..

因为我们的Little Orange生病了.. =(

很惊险地知道我们是冒着生命危险来到目的地...

还好没发生什么事

真是不幸中的大幸了

*Grill Chicken chop + Grill Fish with Lobster Sauce*

我从来没有在Secret Recipe吃过这些...

吃了一口那个龙虾酱的鱼扒..

就赶紧跟宝贝换他的鸡扒来吃了>.<

本人真是接受部来那个腥味~

不过鸡扒的酱汁不错..

只可惜肉质太硬了~

*真的很讨厌Baby Face 的他*

*超重的眼袋*

最后来了一片Original Cheese Cake..

好像奢侈了一点..

不过幸福的

（想到家里..T____T) 

最近陪着他上学放学

总会情不自禁想起之前的生活..

甚至会怪自己没好好读书

不过说真的

UTAR多了好几栋楼...

可是天气..

还真是吓死人的热~~ 

每天要被他宠坏了

带我吃这个那个

不知道变成母猪

他还会要我吗

>__________<

某个路边 LOK LOk

说真的  比另外一架讨人厌的UNCLE Lok Lok 好很多

吃到最后 甚至省了一毛钱

谁叫我家的笨蛋

数学都算错

=.=''

不过那个Uncle够Nice的

还会去支持他吧~

哈哈！

可怜的 Little Orange 进医院了

花了好多医药费... >.<

但今天够Lucky

那个人少算钱

呵呵呵！

那个人够倒霉的

不过我们赚到就好~

中Toto的心情~

**保佑他们不要发现才好**

最后一夜

最后一夜　情绪零碎

回忆充斥着即将饱和的脑细胞

强忍着泪水　　拖着沉重的步伐

不知从何开始　　　也不想知道从何开始

不想去接受事实

可以吗

雨好大．．．心好冷．．

寂寞

害怕一个人

害怕寂寞

尤其害怕自己

伤害你

我爱你

宝贝